As you all know I've struggled with 4 miscarriages and trying to find answers to why they kept happening. Well, I got lucky to find a very good, understanding doctor here in Germany. He ran test and found my problem. Low progesterone and even a thyroid problem. Something I never suspected on my own. After two weeks on progesterone I got my BFP!!! My first reaction was "woah!" then excitement, then the most obvious....worry/being scared. All I could think about was "What if I miscarry again?" My past flashed before me....playing all the imagines of those horrible moments. I began to cry. I don't want to go through that again. It's the most awful feeling ever. I don't wish that pain on ANYONE not even my worse enemy. So as I'm sitting there staring at this positive test, with tears running down my face, I began to pray. And I haven't stopped to this day.
After I got the confirmation at the doctors I felt better, then one night I started to get cramps and a weird discharge. So I go to the hospital and the doctor there worried me a bit more. Mainly, cause during the whole exam he made all these concerned faces and didn't really answer any of my questions. All he told me was "call your doctor Monday morning" and sent me home. =/ Well, I call my doctor that Monday and they ended up seeing me that afternoon. So to make a long story short....I got an ultrasound by another doctor in the office who's never seen me, or dealt with me...so that was new. Anyway, he was looking in my uterus and saw the "sac" but thought it was a cyst because he thought I said my last period was in August which would have put me at like 13-14 weeks at the time. So he was all over my ovaries, and tubes looking because they're clearly wasn't anything in my uterus that appeared to be 13-14 weeks. That brought up the ectopic pregnancy. I was then scared out of mind!!! I was like "Omg, what can you do" [at this point, we still haven't clarified that my last period was in October] He's explaining what's going to happen, yada yada. Then he says "I'm sorry, I just don't see a 13 week pregnancy here" I'm like "13 weeks? Um, no I should only be 4 weeks and 5 days" He then turns the whole conversation around saying "ohhhhh okay. Then this "cyst" would be a sac. Cause this is a sign of early pregnancy" My heart is still in my gut at this point so I try to pick myself up and calm down. He then goes on to explain that there still is a chance for ectopic because he see's something in my ovary. I then go back to panic. So after talking to him some more I go and get my blood taken. He tells me if levels are going up normal than the risk is not likely. a few hours later I get my results and levels are still going up. That Wednesday I start bleeding :( I go to the hospital, get another ultrasound and the sac had grown....showing what looked like a fetal pole about to develop. [which is good] she then saw another sac saying it could possibly be a twin but won't grow anymore. My bleeding eventually stopped, and I then left to go home. I had an appointment the next morning with my original doctor. He did another ultrasound and discovered that the other "sac" she saw was a bruise. It's caused when the egg attaches to the uterus and some veins get tangled or something. So with that being said I'm on bed rest for 14days, maybe longer if needed.
Well, this past Thursday I went back to the doctor and looks like things are progressing normally. Even had a heartbeat :) but I'm still on bed rest. While it sucks, I'm going to do whatever I have to, to keep my baby safe. I've never been this far, so things are really new and exciting. I have full faith in God that he's going to take care of us. He promised to never leave me and I trust that he won't. I know that he won't. That brings me to my next subject;; My faith. It's grown so much since my journey began. I'm grateful for all that I've gone through. It's been a big eye-opener. I've learned about myself, my faith, and my God. I believe that I've been put through these trials to grab my attention back to Him. He knew I needed him and I was just to stubborn to give him. But I'm so glad I did. Cause life has truly gotten better. I'm not saying all your problems go away and life becomes perfect. I'm saying that with Him in your life trials are easier to overcome, and you realize how blessed you really are.
I'm really in need of a good church but I have no one to go with :( and I don't know where there are any churches that speak English? I guess I should do some research. Anyway!!! THis is what's going on in my life right now and I wanted to share it :) Thank you for all your prayers and being here for me. It's nice to have a support group. I'll be sure to keep you all updated!!! LOVE YOU!!!
